


Night Vale

by iloveitblue



Series: Prompts [115]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-23
Updated: 2015-03-03
Packaged: 2018-02-22 07:40:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2499917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iloveitblue/pseuds/iloveitblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where... Night Vale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Good Evening Listeners.

To start things off, I’ve been asked to remind you that the Blood Pact Scout induction ceremony for the newly qualified Arthur Franklin will be held on Monday afternoon behind the old well. Look for the bright blue tent that is going to be set up Monday evening. 

And now, the news.

Big Rico’s pizza is under new management. The new management insists on trying the new toppings they included in their menu, some but not all included cheese-chocolate, peanut butter-soy sauce-ice cream, and Pepperoni. Management claims that the new flavors are ‘to die for’.

A red corvette came into town today, bearing 2 strange men. One wore a suit with a red tie and aviator shades - the sun was probably glaring when they got here at dawn. And the other one had arms like stone. Now, I don’t mean that the man had actual stones for arms but they looked firm… and stone-like.

The Sheriff informed us that these men claimed to be from an organization called shield. What kind of organization is this and why would you name an organization shield? Why not potatoes or matches… or pizza. Which reminds me, go get yourself a slice of Big Rico’s Pizza now and get a limited time offer of 1% off on your next 95th visit. 

I have just been informed that these men are investigating something. I wasn’t actually informed, I just looked out the station window to see the men talking to Old woman Josie. As she was talking to them, both men looked at each other and gave questioning looks. They must be here for the Angels.

On a different note, Carlos was out at the old town drawbridge today. When asked what he was doing there, He looked at me with a thousand yard stare and said “Just trying to figure out what the meaning of life is” with a shrug. Good for you, Carlos. When you do figure it out, the Night Vale public Library requests you to report your findings to them so that they could add it to the dictionary.

The two men with the red corvette looks to be questioning everyone in town. Including the Apache tracker - you know, the white man who wears a huge and cartoonishly inaccurate, horribly offensive Native American headdress - and Steve Carlsberg. Little tip gentlemen, do not trust anything that guy says. He’s the worst guy there is.

And now the weather.

—-

Welcome Back, Listeners.

The two men, who introduced themselves as Mr. Agent Coulson and Mr. Agent Barton, came to the station’s door just moments ago. They started asking all of these questions like we were supposed to know the answers to any of them like, ‘How far was the next town’ and ‘Is there a gas station nearby’ and ‘If there were any motels they could stay in for the night’.

If these men approach you with their frankly ridiculous questions, do what I did and direct them to the Glow Cloud. The Glow Cloud would be happy to attend to their questions, probably. When I told them to seek the Glow Cloud’s help, they looked at me like I was crazy. Which would be insulting if not for the way they silently bickered in their heads as they both soulfully looked into each other’s eyes. It was slightly amusing. It also made me wonder if people with the same names have a telepathic connection between them. Because if its true, then agreeing on a topping for pizza would be easier for everyone involved. Wouldn’t you agree listeners?

I have just been told that the strange men left town in their shiny red corvette. What prompted them to do so, I guess we will never know but let it be put on record that Night Vale welcomes tourists with open arms. If you’re not from Dessert Bluffs. If you are, then we will hunt you down like mad dogs carrying burning torches and pitchforks and chase you around until we catch you or we get tired. Whichever comes first.

To Agent and Agent, we wish you goodbye as you continue your travels and your telepathic bickering. Come back soon. But not too soon.

Well, that’s it for now Night Vale, I hope you find yourself at Big Rico’s before their limited time offer expires. 

Good Night Night Vale. Good Night.


	2. Chapter 2

Good Evening Listeners! 

I come to you tonight with distressing news. 

Our local archery teacher, Clinton Francis Barton - or Clint Barton to his students - is planning to move away to the vile and fairly disappointing Dessert Bluffs, causing our local High School Archery team to disband - not to mention our only recreational facility to, as the kids say it, close up shop. 

This is a grave matter that requires our attention immediately.

We have interviewed Mr. Barton for his side of the story and he was very informative about his sudden decision of moving away and leaving our quaint little town recreation-less.

_"It’s not a sudden decision. I’ve been planning it with my partner, Phil Coulson for a couple of months now. It’s just his work in Dessert Bluffs is too important to let go and we wanted to be able to be around each other more often. It seemed like the logical solution."_

There you have it folks. A name to go with the face of the culprit. Phil Coulson of the Dessert Bluffs. We have distributed flyers all over town to make it easier for citizens to recognize this man along with some dangerous pointy objects that we found in the built-in studio kitchen.

The flyers currently have a silhouette of a man with a question mark for a face but don’t let that fool you, listeners. He could look entirely different from the file photo we currently have at hand which is the silhouette since we have now named him a criminal here in Night Vale. This Phil Coulson character seems to be a slippery one to be able to turn Clinton Francis Barton against one of his own.

The Mayor wants to let everybody know that our fair judicial system has our support regarding this matter and is not afraid to bring this Phil Coulson character to court for a just and unbiased trial to declare him guilty of whatever crimes we can think up of.

So what are you waiting for, listeners? Call in what kind of crime you think Phil Coulson has committed so we may be able to bring him to court and in a few short years, sweet, sweet justice can be served.

And now, the weather.

—-

Welcome Back, Listeners. 

During the break, Mr. Barton has come to inform us that we are not allowed to bring Phil Coulson to court here. And when I say ‘come to inform us’ I mean almost break down the door by repeatedly pounding hard against it with his stone-like arms.

Mr. Barton has kindly informed us that we have no right to charge him under the court of law seeing as how Mr. Phil Coulson has done nothing untoward against the system and has only been quietly tending his flower shop in Dessert Bluffs.

It’s all a ruse, Mr. Barton. I can assure you. What you don’t know about Mr. Phil Coulson is that he secretly likes chocolate donuts. Brrrr. Disgusting, don’t you think so, listeners?

Mr. Barton has also informed us that there is nothing we can do about him leaving and that he’s always wanted to get out of this crazy town for years.

Now, I might just be paraphrasing, but I think he meant crazy in a lovable yet deviant way. Such lovely words from a lovely man. Mr. Clinton Francis Barton is such a nice young man. 

Mr. Clinton Francis Barton’s departure from town is set on 5pm today. Seeing as how it is now 5:03 pm, I hope you had your chance at a joyful goodbye for our favorite archery instructor.

Wherever you are now, Mr. Clinton Francis Barton, I hope you are well. And do visit us some days. We wouldn’t mind if you’re travelling from Dessert Bluffs. Since you were always one of us. 

And that’s it for tonight’s news, listeners. 

Good Night Night Vale, Good Night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/112605771451/the-fight-for-our-org-to-remain-in-school)

**Author's Note:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/100746525121/i-love-night-vale-it-makes-absolutely-no-sense)


End file.
